It’s been three weeks since I last posted on my blog. That’s not normal. I try to post faithfully every Monday. Our family, through our daughter, son-in-law and new grandson, Theo, have been on an emotional roller coaster ride.

Theo was born on Tuesday, Feb. 6, at Children’s Hospital in Minneapolis. He was born with a condition called “coarctation of the aorta. This is a narrowing, or constricting, of the aorta, which is the main artery carrying blood from the heart to the rest of the body. If not diagnosed the results can be very serious. Fortunately, in Theo’s case they were able to diagnose it before he was born so they could be ready for him at his birth.

On Friday, Feb. 9, surgery was performed to correct, as best they could, the aorta issue.

While Theo will most likely need to be monitored for the rest of his life his recovery was remarkable. He was expected to be in the hospital for 3-5 weeks. Incredibly, he was released on Friday, Feb. 16.

Since this journey began many people from all around the world have been praying for Theo. People have given financially to help our daughter and her family defray medical costs as well as loss of income for our son-in-law not being able to work. Many others have provided freezer meals that will allow our daughter to not have to cook for a long time.

It has been an incredible blessing to observe and be a part of this whole experience as a father and grandfather. Our prayers have been answered in ways that we never imagined or expected. They have been answered far beyond our expectations. I am grateful and blessed by this entire experience.

However, this amazing experience has raised some questions for me and, in some ways, bothered me as well.

Theo was at the end of the hall in the NICU before he was released on Friday. As I walked down the hall, I thought about the little ones that were behind the doors of all the rooms I passed leading to his room. The outcome for some of these infants would likely not be as glorious as the outcome little Theo has experienced.

Yet, I’m sure that many of these families have people all over praying for their little one just as we had with Theo. For some, their experience will end in great sadness rather than the great joy we have experienced.

Likely, some of you reading this have been part of a NICU birth that ended in deep sadness. While experiencing my joy, my heart also hurts and grieves for you.

Oh, the dichotomy of life. Why do some families get to carry their babies home while others leave empty handed carrying only their grief and sadness? This isn’t just true with infants in NICU wards either. It happens to us at all stages of life.

I’m a big fan of the show “This Is Us.” If you haven’t seen it, I encourage you to check it out. It is an incredibly well written show with real life experiences many of us have shared but don’t talk about much.

In recent episodes, SPOILER ALERT, the family has been dealing with the death of the father character in a house fire. At the time, the triplets were seventeen. These episodes have stirred up lots of emotions for me having lost my dad suddenly when I was 14. My older brother was 16 and my younger brother was 9.

At the funeral on the show, the mother character is speaking with a trusted friend. She proclaims to him several times, “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

This scene brought back a vivid memory for me of when my dad died. I have few memories surrounding my dad’s death. Much of it has been buried because of the pain.

All three of us boys walked into the house through the back door and into the kitchen. Mom was there, waiting for us. Calmly, she told us that dad had told her to tell us that he loved us before he passed away. Then she burst into tears. She put her face in her hands and began saying through her tears, “I don’t know what we’re going to do. I don’t know what we’re going to do. I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

My dad was a pastor. There was a prominent member of our congregation who was very instrumental in helping my mom through dad’s death. Some time after dad’s death this man experienced a heart attack and survived. If my recollection is correct he suffered several others and lived through each of those as well.

Many years after dad’s death, while this man was still living, I remember mom saying, “I wish your dad would have gotten just one more chance to live.” This wasn’t an expression of jealousy that this man survived and lived a full life. This was sadness that dad didn’t get that chance.

Oh, the dichotomy of life. Why do some survive heart attacks and others don’t? Why do some survive cancer and others don’t?

In my questioning of these life experiences I know there are no answers. As a Christian I trust that God is in control and that in each of these situations He is sovereign. My responsibility is to simply have faith and trust that in the most joyous of times He is rejoicing with me and in the darkest of times He is there to comfort me.

It takes courage to have trust in Someone other than ourselves. In takes courage to have faith in Someone we cannot see. It takes courage to give up the control of my life in both the good and the bad times.

While I don’t understand any of it I rest in the words of Isaiah 55:8-9:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord,

“as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

Have a STRONG and COURAGEOUS day!

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